The shadows in my heart
by Sweet-Michi
Summary: TouyaxYuki. Shonen-ai. Iam sorry I'm not very good at these. First CCS story.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimers: Sadly I don't own Card Captor Sakura or the characters within.  
  
Author's notes: I hope you enjoy the story. Please be warned it contains shonen-ai and is kind of angsty. I hope to hear from you all soon in your reviews. Thanks for reading!!!  
  
  
  
Yukito sat in he bed looking at the ceiling. He had been that way for the past hour. His pale hands rested on his chest as his fingers clasped a small photograph. The photo was an old one. It was taken the first day of his junior year. Kinomoto-san had wanted to take a picture of his children and wanted Yukito in the picture. He had told the young man that he had considered part of their family. That had been the second happiest day of his young life. The happiest day of his life had been when Touya had first said those three magic words for the first time. They had been hanging out at Yuki's house watching a movie. Yukito laid his head on Touya's shoulder. They hadn't had a specific date or time when they had become more than friends it just happened over time. His beloved wrapped his arm around Yuki's shoulders pulling him close. Yuki closed his eyes as he contently enjoyed Touya's warmth. He loved moments like these. In a whisper almost to faint for Yukito to hear Touya said, "I love you Yuki." Hoping he hadn't been mistaken Yuki squeezed his Koi and whispered " I love you too To-ya." But there would be no more moments like that, not anymore, not after today.  
  
  
  
Minna-san I know this is a rather frustrating beginning but I hope you enjoyed anyway. The next chapter will be in flashback mode. Please be kind and review. Arigato-gozaimasu!! Ume 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers: Beware of shonen-ai and fluff but other than that enjoy. 

Author's notes: As I said at the end of the last chapter this chapter will begin in flashback mode. Please enjoy and review.  
  
  
  
Flashback

 Yukito rushed from the school store with an armload of food. He had forgotten his lunch and had to buy it. It had also been his turn to make Touya's lunch so he bought his koi some meat buns. In steady strides he made his way to the tree that they shared. Touya was already there sitting beneath the tree talking to someone. Perhaps Sakura-chan- tachi would be eating with them, how nice, Yukito thought smiling. As he sat down he placed his purchases beside his boyfriend. The sixteen year old was surprised to find one of their classmates sitting before him. "Narusagawa-kun?" he whispered. The pretty little blonde haired girl was laughing at something Touya had said. It was a few seconds before she noticed the newcomer.  
  
            Konechiwa Tsukishiro-kun. Kinomoto-kun and I were just talking about he science project we were assigned. We are going to be partners," she said happily. 

"How wonderful," Yukito replied sweetly. 

"Well I'll see you both later, I'm going to grab a bite to eat. Ja'ne." 

"Ja'na," the boys said in unison. 

"Narusagawa-kun is a very nice girl, ne To-ya?" Yukito said pulling the food out of its oversized sack. 

"Hai," his koibito replied dreamily. "She is rather nice isn't she?" Yukito tried to ignore the floaty quality in his boyfriend's voice. I'm probably hearing things, he thought still smiling.  
  
End Flashback  
  
The sixteen year old rose from his bed slowly. He should have known. HE should have seen it coming. I am so stupid, he thought rising to his feet. He was hungry again. "Yu-chan," he grandmother called to him, as he made his way downstairs. This was one of the few times of the year when his grandparents were actually at home. They were sitting in the living room watching television. "Are you hungry sweetheart? I could make you something?" 

"Oh I can get it," Yukito said going into the kitchen. 

"It's no trouble love," she smiled rising from her seat. "You never eat enough." The old woman pinched her grandson's cheek. 

"Baa-chan," he giggled. It was comforting having his grandparents with him especially now when the rest of his life seemed upside down. They gave him a sense of stability. 

"Look at how skinny you are. Now follow me, let's see if I can't fatten you up." 

"Hai" Yukito said cheerfully sitting down at the kitchen table while his grandmother made her way to the refrigerator.

"Now then Yu-chan, what would you like to eat? Oh I have the perfect thing," the older woman said closing the refrigerator and opening a white paper box. She pulled out a rather large three-layer cake with vanilla icing. "I think this will do nicely." 

"But aren't you saving that for your bridge game tomorrow?" Yukito protested, he wouldn't think of taking something that his beloved Baa-chan needed. 

"I'll pick up another in the morning. Right now I want to fatten up my only grandbaby."

 "Okay, if you insist," the eager sixteen year old smiled taking the huge piece of cake his grandmother offered. "Itadakemasu." 

"Now if you need anything else just tell me sweetheart," his grandmother said placing a glass of milk in front him and giving him a kiss on the forehead. 

"Thank you," he smiled as she left the kitchen. Tomorrow I should pick up another cake for her, the happy bunny thought inhaling another forkful, right after To-ya gets out of, what was he thinking? He didn't have to wait for Touya anymore. Narusagawa waited for him now. Suddenly Yukito felt tired again. Maybe I should get back to bed after I finish my cake.  
  
  
  
  
  
The next morning Yukito prepared for school all genkiness restored. After all there was no reason to burden others with his sadness. Luckily it was his turn to help set up the classroom so he would walk to school alone. Today is going to be a great day no matter what, he thought throwing his school bag over his shoulder. With one quick look in the mirror he was on his way. The cool autumn air felt wonderful as he exited his house. He loved the various shades of gold as the leaves changed during fall. Being able to kick acorns with his shoe was also a perk of the season. Today he found a rather large one and was pretending it was a soccer ball. Yukito was halfway to school when a bicycle stopped his one-person game. "Gom..."Yukito said to the figure on the bike. "To-ya?" Before him his ex-boyfriend was leaning over his bike looking the smaller boy in the eye. Quickly Yukito replaced his shocked look for a happy one. "Ohayou Touya." 

"Yuki." the dark haired boy began.

"Ohayou gozaimasu Yukito-san," a cheerful voice called from behind. Yukito turned to find Sakura blushing up at him. "Ohayou Sakura-chan," he kneeled down beside the sunny girl. 

"Why are you up so early?" 

"Um.Um. I woke up early today," she stammered. "It is such a pretty day." 

"Yes it is," Yukito smiled patting her on the top of her head as he stood. "Shall we go?" For the rest of the walk Yukito chatted with his little friend. Of coarse she was overjoyed by the amount of attention she was receiving. Sakura was so happy that she almost passed up her school. The white-haired boy reluctantly watched her leave; she had been his temporary distraction.

            "Ne Yuki," Touya tried again. The looks he had been sending Yukito's way hadn't gone unnoticed. The watched one had hoped that they could get to school quietly but he soon realized that wasn't going to happen. Didn't Touya get the hint when he refused his offer for a lift on his bike? Things weren't the same anymore, perhaps they could never be. He couldn't have imagined a time when he would dread being alone with his he one who had stolen his heart, but now was that time. "Can we talk?" Touya's was voice was soft and almost soothing.

            It's my turn to set up the classroom," Yukito mumbled seeing the front stairs come into view. He quickened his pace trying to reach the sanctuary of the building. At best he could escape while Touya was locking up his bike. "Gomen Touya," he whispered quickly making his way up the stairs, taking them two at a time and didn't stop until he reached the classroom. The class representative and a few others were already setting up. "I'm sorry I'm late," he said quickly setting down his bag.

FLASHBACK

Yukito couldn't believe how late he was. Touya would be waiting for him. He hadn't meant to take so long in the library. Quickly he stuffed his books into his satchel and flew down the hallway. The snow bunny was almost at his locker when the sound of voices stopped him. He would hate to barge into the middle of someone's conversation so he decided to wait until they stopped talking. 

"We can't keep this up." Yukito leaned against the row of lockers that separated them. Was that To-ya's voice he heard? Who was he talking too? "I can't do this anymore."

"Why I don't understand?" a female voice Yukito didn't recognize spoke. "It's not like you're dating anyone. Why should we hide our love?"

"You don't understand," Yukito's beloved mumbled. Suddenly there was a soft rustle of clothes and a few moments of silence.

"The only thin I understand is that I am in love with you Kinomoto Touya-kun," the female said before walking away. Or at least Yukito assumed she walked away. The footsteps were too light to be his boyfriend's. It took the white-haired sixteen year old a few minutes to pull himself together. This had to be a misunderstanding. To-ya wouldn't cheat on him; he wouldn't hurt him like this. Not like this. Okay, he thought smile in place he hopped from his hiding place and into the sight of his love.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Yukito said cheerfully.

"Yuki," the tall boy whispered leaning against the lockers with his arms crossed. His usually tanned face was flushed and his lips were slightly bruised. All this aside he still had his laid-back manner. "I was beginning to think you had left without me?" his boyfriend said softly.

"Of coarse not," the shorter young man smiled changing his school shoes for street ones. Inside he could take anymore "To-ya do you still love me?" He had meant for the question to sound random.

"What makes you ask that?" To-ya replied taking the opportunity to wrap his arms around his boyfriend's tiny waist. Yukito allowed himself to be pulled into the embrace, remembering everything about that moment. "Of coarse I love you."

"I heard you a few minutes ago. Who was that girl? Why was she kissing you?" The grip around his waist stiffened.

"You say that?" his boyfriend stammered. (He had meant to break this off with Minaka-chan before his beloved found out. It had just happened one night while they were working on their science project in Narusagawa's living room.  The lanky teen had noticed that they were sitting pretty close but didn't think anything of it. Heck, it wasn't the first time a girl had tried to hit on him. So when he leaned over to pick up a pencil he wasn't expecting a set of lips on his. Everything told him to pull away as fast as possible and call his snow bunny but his body wasn't listening. His body pulled his study date closer and deepened the kiss. His body ran his fingers through her hair until the kiss finally ended with both of them shocked and breathless. ) "Yuki please…"

"Please what To-ya? Does she mean something to you? Does she mean more than me?" The harsh words brought Touya back to reality. Of coarse he loved Yuki but he had started to develop feelings for Minaka-chan as well. What was he supposed to do? As he thought the silence was killing his partner slowly.  "Perhaps I should go home today," he said withdrawing from his love's arms. "Have a nice day at work To-ya," Yukito waved before continuing the love walk home.

END FLASHBACK

"Arigato Tsukishiro-kun," the class representative said as they finished.

"Douitashimate," he replied before taking shi seat. Students were starting to trickle into the classroom as he began pulling out his binder and pencil case.

"Ohayou Yuki-chan," a female voice whispered behind him.

"Don't you think that's rather informal Narusagawa-kun," he said softly but sternly. She and Touya had been publicly dating for almost two months and everyday she acted like she and Yukito were the best of friends. Now Minaka smiled mischievously at him kneeling in front of his desk.

"Oh but I feel I know you very rather Tsukishiro-kun. Touya told me all about your little affair. He used to talk about you a lot actually," the sixteen year old girl rose to her feet leaning in close to his ear. "But I cured him of that." Instantly Yukito was on his feet nearly knocking over his desk. He had never hit a girl or wanted to but that moment he was close.

"How dare you," he growled. "How dare you say such things." It was one thing to take his boyfriend away from him it was a completely different matter to throw it in his face. Minaka jumped back startled by the usually calm young man's reaction. Quickly she recomposed herself folding her hands before her. 

"Tsukishiro-kun I know you and Touya-kun are really close friends I really hope you and I can become close friends as well since I'm dating him now," she said cheerfully before bouncing out of the room. Okay calm down, Yukito thought bending down to pick up some papers that had fallen, she was just trying to make you upset (and it worked). Besides you should be happy that To-ya has someone…even if it's not you, he thought trying to calm his nerves

Taking notes during class was harder than usual. For some reason Yukito couldn't focus on what the teacher was saying. It felt like everyone was watching him. I'm just being silly, he thought gazing longingly at the clock. Any second now sensei is going to dismiss us for lunch. My favorite part of the day, he thought smiling. The only thing he had had for breakfast was three cups of tea, four bowls of miso soup, and two bowls of rice. (Yukito had been running late this morning.) As he hoped Taka-sensei released his students from the confines of their desks allowing them the freedom of lunch. Today is such a pretty day I think I'll eat outside, Yukito thought pulling out his huge lunchbox and a book. He was about to leave when a pair of piercing brown eyes stopped him.

"Yuki can we talk?" Touya asked his ex-koibito.

"Don't you have to meet with your girlfriend," Yukito replied trying not to sound cynical.

"That's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about," the dark haired young man looked uneasy as he spoke.

"Oh?"

"Minaka-chan told me that you yelled at her this morning," Touya said watching his friend's expression for any change. For a few moments Yukito was too shocked to speak, looking at the other in disbelief. "Look, I know we broke up on not the best of terms but I'd like to think that we're still friends.

"Wait a minute," Yukito finally regained his voice. "Did she tell you what she said to me?"

"Yeah, she told me that she wanted to be friends with you and you blew up at her. That's not like you Yuki." Again the smaller young man returned to the state of disbelief.

"No that's wrong. She only said that after…"

"Look Yuki half the class heard you this morning. What we had was special and I really want us to still be friends, but I don't think we can if you can't accept that I'm seeing someone else. I'm sorry." With that Touya walked away from his fallen friend.

  
  
  
I hope this installment is okay. I'll have the next one out shortly. Please tell me what you think through your reviews or e-mail (I LOVE E-MAIL). Ja matane. Ume


	3. Chapter Three

            Author's notes: Honto ni gomene minna-san. School is stress but now I am free for a little while and I would like to thank everyone for their patience.

            Kinomoto Touya gazed out of the moving car with his usual laid-back manner. He and his girlfriend were looking for Christmas present ideas. Well he was anyway; Minaka was purchasing presents for her family. Her mother was raised in America and shared the holiday with all of their family as well as loved ones.  Touya had offered to drive his motorcycle but Minaka didn't want to mess up her hair, so they were taking her sports car. "Yuki never complained about my motorcycle," the dark haired boy mumbled resting his head against the glass.

            "What did you say sweetheart?" Minaka asked flipping some of her sunny hair over her sweater-clad shoulder.

            "No, nothing," her koi replied still looking at the passing scene. She gave his hand a quick squeeze before returning it to the wheel.

            "What do you think Sakura-chan and your father would like for Christmas?"

            "You don't have to get them anything for Christmas," the lanky boy quickly perked up. He could imagine his family's reaction to receiving presents from his new girlfriend. Sure Yuki would give the monster presents on her birthday but he's different. 

            "But I really want too," she whined softly giving him her best pouty face. It wasn't working; her beloved was already staring back out his window. "Alright, but next year I'm buying them presents."

            "Next year?" Touya asked surprised. What did she mean next year? "What do you mean next year?"

            "What do you think I mean silly," the pretty girl beside him gave his hand another squeeze. "I hope we're going to be together for awhile, don't you?"

            "Um…yeah," Touya mumbled wanting to disappear. What was she thinking, next year? Nothing last forever right?

            "So where do you think we start first," Minaka said pulling into a parking spot a short distance from the mall.  As soon as they entered the mall she attached herself to his arm and began chatting about the newest designer and what was in fashion

            "Ne, Minaka do you remember about two weeks ago when you had that argument with Yukito?" Touya said non-chalanlty. He hadn't heard a word she had said.  Something was bugging him. Maybe because it was so close to Yuki's birthday and he was usually working three jobs to buy him something nice, instead of the one he had now.  Or perhaps it had been Minaka's talk about the future that had him messed up.  Hadn't he promised that to his boyfriend and look what happened?

            "Yeah I don't know why Tsukishiro-kun yelled at me so. I had hoped that we could be friends," the pretty blond gave him a sorrowful look as the entered the Gap.

            "That's what you said," Touya eyed his girlfriend suspiciously. In all the time he had known his best friend Yuki had never yelled at anyone. Touya longed to call his friend and ask about that day but he was too scared and couldn't build up enough nerve to pick up the phone.

            "Well anyway, it was so long ago. Let's forget about it okay?" Minaka smiled holding a sweater up to Touya's chest. "What do you think?" she giggled.

            Yukito was in his room again, this time studying. He liked his room; almost nothing had changed since he moved in with is grandparents. In fact other than Touya it seemed to be few one of the few things that had remained constant in his life since he moved here.  The sixteen year old leaned back in his chair giving his eyes a rest from the thick book before him. Since their break up Yukito decided that school would be his new boyfriend and that he would give it all of his attention. His grades had improved making his teachers happy so he should be happy, he kept repeating to himself. Again he had the house to himself, his grandparents had volunteered to hand out food in Africa this year even though his birthday was only a few days away. He didn't mind it wasn't as if he hadn't been alone on his birthday before. Heck, last year he got to spend his birthday with Sakura-chan. This year would be just as special, he just knew it! So far his plans were to rent a lot of movies and 'veg-out' on the couch. He wasn't upset about losing Touya anymore either. Perhaps they weren't meant to be together forever. Narusagawa hadn't said anything else to since that day, neither had Touya. They didn't walk to school anymore, much to Sakura-chan's dismay. The other day his little friend caught him at the supermarket and he hadn't had the heart to tell her the real reason so he told her a little white lie. Yukito told her that he and her brother had different school schedules now.  Sakura reluctantly accepted it with a smile he hoped was genuine.

It was now Christmas Eve and Touya still hadn't found a present for Minaka. Every time he went shopping for her nothing seemed quite right. However, he was able to find the perfect gift for Yuki, a set of baby blue flannel pajamas with little white bunnies hopping around. The dark-haired boy didn't expect his ex-boyfriend to accept the present happily even though they had been exchanging gifts for the past couple of years. So he was still debating on how to give him the gift. Yuki would either find it in his shoe locker left by an anonymous stranger or he would vivaciously find it on his porch. Somehow Touya couldn't see himself leaving on the porch, ringing the doorbell, and hopping into the bushes. He WANTED Yuki to know that it was from him. He WANTED his snow bunny to know that he still cared; he wanted…to buy Minaka a Christmas present. The lanky teen told her a little fib in order to get a little time away to shop for her. It's never this hard to shop for Yuki, he thought heading toward the lockeroom. Touya had taken extra time getting his stuff together to give his girlfriend time to leave, so he assumed that no one would be there when he entered. Touya really didn't know what Minaka enjoyed, other than him of coarse. Well he had all day to find out. 

            As he entered locker room the he gave a listening ear. Even since "that day" he became acutely aware of his surrounding. He soon learned that sound carried very well inside the little room. SO far he'd heard two couples making out and a student selling test answers, but most of the time it was random chatter. As he walked to locker he heard two girls talking.

            "I still can't believe I lost too you," said the first girl. Great stupid girl stuff, the lanky teen thought changing his shoes. 

            "Well believe it Azumi,' the second girl giggled. "I'll be expecting my Donna Karen purse to be at my house tomorrow night."

            "Okay I still can't believe that you're the one who caught Kinomoto-kun." Me, Touya thought perking up. "How did you get between he and Tsukishiro-kun? I was sure they were a couple," the other girls said.

            "They WERE, but I took care of that a long time ago." What is she talking about, Touya thought leaning against his locker. Minaka only started dating me as part of a bet. She took my Yuki away for a purse!! No, I let Yuki get away, this is all my fault, he thought. All the energy in his body drained from his body. 

            Okay I think I have everything, Yukito thought as he placed his pepperoni pizza on the coffee table next to the chips and dip, nachos, mini-stromboli and a tray of brownies baking in the oven. That should last me a few hours, he thought flopping down on the couch. Tonight is going to be the best night ever, he smiled grabbing the remote. There are always so many wonderful Christmas specials today. They always made him so happy. Especially the American ones with Santa Claus and all of the family togetherness. It just made him feel all warm and happy inside.

            Minaka was having a wonderful Christmas ever. All of her guests were here and having a good time as far as she knew. She had received some nice Christmas presents from a few of her friends and her parents. The only thing she was missing was her precious boyfriend. He wasn't answering his phone and she didn't think that he had to work today, so where could he be? She may have started dating him on a bet but she was actually starting to like him. Besides she wanted to show him off a little more before the newness wore off.

            Okay I'm here, Touya thought looking at the house before him. I have to do this, I have to make things right. The lanky teen ascended the porch steps as if on a death march. There's no way around it. I'm here now.

Okay it's almost eleven o'clock, Minaka looked out the window for the hundredth time. Where is he? I can't believe  he's not here yet. The sixteen year old crossed her arms. "Ms. Minaka," one of her maids spoke from behind her. "This just arrived for you," she handed her a letter. I knew he wouldn't forget me, the pretty blond thought opening the plain white envelope. I have got to get him some new stationary, she thought  pulling out a piece of regular school paper. Depending on what he has to say I might have to leave my party, she giggled to herself.

            Minaka,

            I know everything . It's over.  
            Kinomoto

            "Frosty the snowman…" Yukito loved  this special. It reminded him that the time he had was precious and that he should always appreciate those around him.  The star-haired teen was about to get some more milk when there was a knock on the door. I wonder whom it could be at this hour, he thought looking out the peephole. Touya…. He opened the door allowing his beloved ex-boyfriend into the house. "You must be freezing standing out there, come in come in." Yukito ushered the boy into the house forcing him out of his jacket. "I'll get you some tea, please sit down." Oh Yuki, you are way too good to me, the lank teen thought sitting down on couch. "I know there's not that much food on the table but please feel free to have some." The table before him was covered with enough food to feed a small army.  Only Yuki would think this wasn't a lot of food. With a small smile he set down the present.  "Here you go. How are you feeling To-ya?" Yukito sat down beside him.

            "I came here to talk to you Yuki," the dark-haired teen whispered accepting the cup his friend presented. "You were right about Minaka. I should have listened to you. I need you Yuki. I'll do anything. Can you ever forgive me?"

            "I don't know To-ya… you hurt me so badly. I'm not strong enough to go through that again,"  Yuki looked down at his hands. He had just gotten over losing his love. Could he ever trust him again?

            "It will never happen again Yuki, you have to believe me," Touya pleaded. He would do anything to get his beloved back. "Anything…"

            "Alright, under one condition," a glimmer of a smile played upon the smaller boy's lips.

            "Yes?" Touya would walk through fire if Yuki asked him to.

            "We start all over, slowly," he said raising his eyes to meet  Touya's.

            "Of coarse, of coarse, anything," Touya threw his arms around his boyfriend. I'll make you believe in me again.

Ume-chan's notes:

            I also wanted to thank Ms. Stacie Janiece Elton for giving me the push I needed to finish this story. Doumo Arigato-goziamasu


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